The Little Sweatshop of Thoughts

over the weekend, i found out that ‘i am at a happier place’ since i have ‘committed myself to a thought process’, thus, making the oft hard decision between career and family, easier.

committing to a thought process. hmm. it sounds rather powerful when you say it that way. especially when in my head, its less positive counterpart seemed to ring true until some time back: resigning to the inevitable. i can say that i have been through all the phases of change: shock, anger, sadness, ambivalence, acceptance and finally, looking for possibilities. and with that in perspective, perhaps my friend is right to say that i have empowered myself by being open-minded and positive about things.

a part of me fears, though. fears that my adaptability and open-mindedness could oppress the individual that is me. am i letting myself down by being malleable and changing to the circumstances? i am by no means a softie but sometimes i doubt myself with my decisions.

(then again, i’m not in anyway, saying that i am unhappy at this moment. i’m very content that things are going along swimmingly. it’s that hazy phase where the realities of life are clouded in the what if’s and the wish you were here’s of our thoughts. a dream-like state which doesn’t really give space for pragmatism.)

but, i know i am not alone. my circumstances might be different but these are questions that every modern woman faces today. it might be especially difficult for those whose cultures are sometimes at odds with the more evolved roles that modern civilisation has for men and women.

the modern indian woman is a good example. standing at the cusp of revolutionary change, she is looking to define herself beyond daughter, wife and mother. i can see this in the eyes of all my indian girl friends. brought up on a rather unhealthy diet of forced conditioning to our traditions and Bollywood movies and soaps, we dream about our princes as we think of how we can escape from the clutches of these traditions. it’s a tough place to be in when we are in conflict with the very things that make up our identity.

so, what’s left?

well, nothing but the vacillating thoughts of a modern woman, who wants everything, doesn’t want to give up anything and still missing that one little something.

i have recently been into a lot of indie music. and i found the perfect place to explore new artistes. check out last.fm, an amazing community for people who love music and the best place to discover new, unheard of artistes. the site is chocfull of information on artistes and genres, with preview clips of songs, links to buy in itunes and forums to discuss and ‘heart’ music. lovely lovely. i especially love 2 features on it: the last.fm internet radio & the artistes in your area category. for the latter, after you sign up and input your country where you play from, they inform you of all the various artistes who are in and around your country. neat, know? and the last.fm radio has been keeping me company at work. all you have to do is type in the name of an artiste you like or any genre you prefer and you get music streaming from that artiste or genre and any other related artistes. it’s really neat and pretty cool.

so prakash introduced me to this awesome brother-sister duo called Julia and Angus Stone. So I played them on last.fm and I found this other gem. Gotye’s Heart’s a Mess. Check out the eerie video and haunting music. Been on loop on my iPod for a bit. Also Angus and Julia Stone’s Just A Boy. Lovely song.

P.S Can’t seem to embed the youtube code. So the links instead.
Just A Boy

Heart’s A Mess