share a thought : the conundrum that is the modern woman
over the weekend, i found out that ‘i am at a happier place’ since i have ‘committed myself to a thought process’, thus, making the oft hard decision between career and family, easier.
committing to a thought process. hmm. it sounds rather powerful when you say it that way. especially when in my head, its less positive counterpart seemed to ring true until some time back: resigning to the inevitable. i can say that i have been through all the phases of change: shock, anger, sadness, ambivalence, acceptance and finally, looking for possibilities. and with that in perspective, perhaps my friend is right to say that i have empowered myself by being open-minded and positive about things.
a part of me fears, though. fears that my adaptability and open-mindedness could oppress the individual that is me. am i letting myself down by being malleable and changing to the circumstances? i am by no means a softie but sometimes i doubt myself with my decisions.
(then again, i’m not in anyway, saying that i am unhappy at this moment. i’m very content that things are going along swimmingly. it’s that hazy phase where the realities of life are clouded in the what if’s and the wish you were here’s of our thoughts. a dream-like state which doesn’t really give space for pragmatism.)
but, i know i am not alone. my circumstances might be different but these are questions that every modern woman faces today. it might be especially difficult for those whose cultures are sometimes at odds with the more evolved roles that modern civilisation has for men and women.
the modern indian woman is a good example. standing at the cusp of revolutionary change, she is looking to define herself beyond daughter, wife and mother. i can see this in the eyes of all my indian girl friends. brought up on a rather unhealthy diet of forced conditioning to our traditions and Bollywood movies and soaps, we dream about our princes as we think of how we can escape from the clutches of these traditions. it’s a tough place to be in when we are in conflict with the very things that make up our identity.
so, what’s left?
well, nothing but the vacillating thoughts of a modern woman, who wants everything, doesn’t want to give up anything and still missing that one little something.
share 2 videos : heart’s a mess/just a boy
i have recently been into a lot of indie music. and i found the perfect place to explore new artistes. check out last.fm, an amazing community for people who love music and the best place to discover new, unheard of artistes. the site is chocfull of information on artistes and genres, with preview clips of songs, links to buy in itunes and forums to discuss and ‘heart’ music. lovely lovely. i especially love 2 features on it: the last.fm internet radio & the artistes in your area category. for the latter, after you sign up and input your country where you play from, they inform you of all the various artistes who are in and around your country. neat, know? 
and the last.fm radio has been keeping me company at work. all you have to do is type in the name of an artiste you like or any genre you prefer and you get music streaming from that artiste or genre and any other related artistes. it’s really neat and pretty cool.
so prakash introduced me to this awesome brother-sister duo called Julia and Angus Stone. So I played them on last.fm and I found this other gem. Gotye’s Heart’s a Mess. Check out the eerie video and haunting music. Been on loop on my iPod for a bit. Also Angus and Julia Stone’s Just A Boy. Lovely song.
P.S Can’t seem to embed the youtube code. So the links instead.
Just A Boy
share a thought : la vie est quotidienne
i think i know why my dad preaches to me ‘roshni, bring some routine to your life’. for as long as i have known, my dad symbolises work life. it is all clockwork and there is a certain constant hum to his day to day activities, like the ambient noise of the air conditioner. so after nearly a week at work, i feel as though i have been sucked into this unknown place called routine.
wakeup. gym. breakfast. commute. work. lunch. work. teabreak. work. commute. bathe. dinner. tv. sleep
a skip in that rhythm and you are all off kilter. which happened on tuesday and painfully reminded me that time is money and sleep is meant to be lost in the long run. 
share a page : moments from around the world
Updated my page of travels! Not very up to date as I am going from my travels dated April 05 on forth. 
Comments welcome!
share a thought : back to reality
well, it’s time i got back onto earth.
back to the realities of work and the certainties of life. since the last time i wrote, i have travelled NZ and Hong Kong, experienced some heart break and felt some of those good feelings that are kept for us when we get into relationships. but i never wrote them down, perhaps because I am never comfortable coming forth with my exact feelings. another reason why i write down phrases and paragraphs that resonate with me from the books that i read.
but one thing i realise, hence forth, things are not going to be the same. the spectre of responsibility which i try to keep evading is finally closing in on me. i have no choice but to give up and move on with it. responsibility is instantly sobering and its not a wonder that most of our entertainment activities revolve around the intoxication of our senses, literally and figuratively. i’m excited about what’s to come in this next chapter even though a lot of the future is covered in the dark clouds of the unknown. and there is no light yet.
i missed writing in this little journal.
share a photo : serendipity in serendib
serendib is an old Arabic name for sri lanka. and as i sit here waiting for something to happen this hot clammy night, i can’t help but remember a particular moment i captured en route to bentota. it was a non-routine stop at a beachside area. calm and not so sunny. the waves were gently lapping the shore. but if your eyes followed them as they retreated back into the magnificent expanse of the sea, you can’t help but feel a tinge of apprehension over the azure unknown. and there my mother stood, taking in the quiet, hiking up her salwar kameez to feel the sea at her feet and the world in front of her. it was a beautiful moment. i actually took another one after that where my sister and her were trying to catch the ‘big waves’. i was too busy to soak my feet in as i was trying to ‘capture the feeling’.
i guess the second photo could use some cropping and colour enhancement but i loved what they signified. i thought they turned out pretty poetic.
share a thought : trust issues
as usual i am vegging out at home. not doing much but psycho-analysing my life via profound television series. so today i watched the grey’s anatomy episode that aired on thurs in the states. usually i hate meredith’s character, which is so whiny and self-absorbed. but for some reason she has become more likeable in the past few episodes as she deals with her post-derek phase.
and it made me think about something else that has been bugging me this past week. trust issues. not being able to give the trust that is needed in order for a relationship to progress. any relationship. especially when you want to be more than fair-weather friends. even when i think i care enough, i think i don’t because i care more about myself. a self-protecting mechanism to avoid hurt and unnecessary feelings.
giving out that trust opens you up. and what if they don’t like what they see?
ugh. this post sounds like a in-limbo-meredith post, like when she nearly drowned herself. double ugh.
share a new link : moments from around the world
i take pride in the fact that i have travelled so much and taken many a pretty picture of those places too. and i do want to show it all off. so i have created a page where i have added pictures, captions and little stories of the places i have been to. look to the side bar and click on the link under pages.
share a thought : family
spent the afternoon watching the tv show, brothers and sisters, online. so i finished the first season, with a happy sort of feeling; with a sort of satisfaction that the show had the right mix of reality and that extra bit of something, which i am glad exists only in the reel world.
and it got me thinking about, family. the one word that brings up both extreme feelings of intense hate and love. i don’t have an enormous family like in the show but i think the five of us provide enough drama to keep our relationships zinging. the older we get, the more we start understanding everyone’s idiosyncrasies and imperfections, and perhaps get a bit closer to knowing them for who they really are.
and when i put the tv show in context with what happens in my life with my extended family – the tv-like drama seems so much more probable. my mother’s weekly phone conversations with them back in india allows us to be connected in the most disconnected way. those 100 minute calling cards keep the madness, the sadness and the irrational bouts of love and hate between us alive. we enjoy having armchair opinions on their lifestyles, their indiscretions and their ‘close-mindedness’ through our ‘enriched world views’. yet, sometimes we yearn for the little bits of indian family insanity that calls to us when we get tired of our singaporean mundanity. but, we double back later and breathe easy that we are happy here in non-judgemental singapore, doing our own things with the people we choose to, just because we can.
it’s quite complicated and at times, even a bit schizoprenic. but we straddle both worlds, somehow. and i think that’s what makes these bonds with them so special and sacred, ‘cos no one will understand me quite as much as the way they will.
so there you have it. my family and my anchor to reality.
share a thought : i heart google
this sounds stupid but google makes me feel smart.
i just had a conversation with someone and he asked me something and i didn’t wanna sound ignorant.
so i googled it.
